The zen of public speaking

I remember clearly the first time I was asked to speak in public. It was for a high school English class, and the teacher requested we speak about a topic we felt passionate about. I choose to speak about kindness--why it matters and how the quality is acquired. My voiced quivered, I blanked out a couple of times, and when I looked at the teacher his faced was contorted with confusion and pity.

Twenty five years passed before I again dared to speak from the heart while in front of a group. In college, graduate school, and in the workplace, I was often asked to teach or present on a particular topic. Focusing on knowing my material so that I’d never be at a loss for words, I learned to perform well, but felt like a bit of a fake. I longed to show my authentic self, and in the process to empower others to do the same. Yet when asked to do something as simple as say a few extemporaneous words about myself in a group my throat would constrict with panic.

The joy of authentic speaking returned after I learned a practice called “Relational Presence” at Speaking Circles International, an organization with trainings in both The Netherlands and the United States and headquartered in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Lee Glickstein, the founder of Speaking Circles and my trainer, explained the fundamentals of the practice: “Give full neutral eye availability to one person at a time, and look at that person as if they were the only one in the room.. When the speaker is looking at one person the others feel the sense of relationship presence. It builds their trust and draws them in.” In essence, Lee explains we are tapping into the oneness that already exists between speaker and listener.

I walked up to the front of the room to try the practice. Looking into the sparkling blue eyes of a woman in the front row before taking a deep breath, I felt the urge to communicate; words emerged in a flow and my body felt light. I was on a journey with my listeners. Instead of running from the fear of speaking in front of a group, and losing contact with the present moment, I leaned into my fear and felt its energy. My listeners also seemed energized, aware of our act of co-creation in the present moment.

When I sat down I felt as if I’d discovered a lost part of myself, as well as a new way to relate and communicate personally and professional. Had I learned a new method, honed a skill? Lee summed it up explaining, “This is a spiritual practice with extraordinary professional benefits.”

For more information please visit www.speakingcircles.com.