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Choosing my father's ties: A lesson in changing systems

When I was a child, my father would come into my room most mornings and ask me to choose which tie he should wear with the suit he had on that day. He usually brought two ties into my room from which I could choose. As I got older, sometimes I felt that neither choice was ideal, and I’d head over to his tie rack to suggest a better option. I adored my dad, and I took my job helping him with his ties quite seriously.

As a humane educator, my job now includes offering other people choices, although the choices revolve around more pressing issues than tie fashions. Offering positive choices is the 4th element of quality humane education, and it’s a critical component to creating a humane, sustainable and peaceful world. Humane education explores the greatest challenges of our time (e.g., global warming, resource depletion, human rights, institutionalized animal cruelty, habitat destruction, overpopulation, economic stability, etc.), and it offers positive choice-making as an integral component of change-making. Like my father, I try to offer people a couple of choices that are reasonable and good, but sometimes no such choices are available, and my students must head to the “tie rack” of choices to find something better.

When there’s nothing quite good enough on the tie rack

Comments (1)

Whether he realized it or not, Your dad was teaching you valuable lessons. First of all, having choices feel empowering. When you give a toddler a choice of what to eat or what to wear, he feels a sense f control. Little by little, he'll learn to make more and more important choices. Also, asking for your input showed you Value, and what it means to have your opinion not only count, but make an actual difference in an outcome. It also provided you with a memory that spans the years, and the test of time--times that were likely not always filled with decisions you both agreed on.

Indeed offering choice--positive ones is a blessing, and although we do not lways have the best of options to choose from, there has and will always be a way, to make do, and there will always be the potential, for a better option down the road. Hope Springs eternal.

posted by booksaboutpeace on 2/24/2009 12:48 pm

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