Make a bow, receive a blessing

There is hope for humanity if we learn to bow with love and trust, and to receive blessings.

Lalith Gunaratne | October 2007 issue

The world is becoming One. But the game is being played according to rules set by the West. Where colonialism ultimately failed at running the world, Hollywood and the stock market are succeeding. In the process, we are seeing material gain and progress for developing nations—but also substantial loss. And Westerners may lose just as much in this as the rest of the world. The cultural richness and indigenous innovation that is in danger of being wiped out in Africa, Asia and Latin America by globalization could actually make Western societies healthier and happier. Here are 11 lessons the West can learn from the rest—which can improve Western life and create a better future for all humanity.

It was an emotional farewell for twenty four boys and girls aged 14 to 17 years having spent a wonderful five days learning and sharing together. In keeping with South Asian tradition, most of them prostrated and bowed down in gratitude and respect to the elders who had been their tutors. When they bowed to me, I got from them a sense of their innocence and a genuine happiness for what we as adults had shared with them in their learning.

The youth were from six schools from Tamil Nadu and Maharasthra States in India participating in a British Council sponsored experiential learning programme on leadership and teamwork through sports, held at a school in Chennai. I was there supporting the lead trainer from Britain to work with these young leaders and six teachers.

The tradition of bowing to elders is one of the most beautiful acts of gratitude I encounter in Asia. Yet, I had not always felt comfortable when someone bowed down to me. My urban parents had not brought me up in that tradition. There was a lot of hugging and kissing, but no prostrating and bowing. So, I had always felt embarrassed when anyone prostrated themselves in front of me. As a result I had mixed feelings whenever I encountered it. My western beliefs led me to think that no one should feel so subjugated as to go down on their knees to anyone else.

I have comes to realise this is my western notion of individuality coming out, even though I was born and spent my early years in Sri Lanka. My parents, both teachers, were a hybrid generation having been English-educated in colonial Sri Lanka in Christian schools, but also having a Buddhist influence of humility and simplicity in their homes. So, I did live in two worlds.

The only time I bowed to my parents was at my wedding. My partner, Samantha had been brought up in the tradition of bowing to her elders. Her German-born mother encouraged it as a part of her father’s Sri Lankan tradition. I remember feeling awkward doing it, but then saw the tears in both my parents’ eyes as I got up. It became a moment of great emotional significance for me.

Recently I discovered that in bowing, people are not only showing gratitude, they are also looking to receive a blessing from you in parting. When someone bows to you, the correct response is to touch the person with love and compassion giving them a blessing for a happy future. It is a return gift of positive energy. Further, in bowing, a person shows you complete trust and a letting go of their ego as they put their head down and take their eyes off you. They are at your mercy. This show of trust strengthens the bond of our common humanity.

Even though I experienced urban Indian youth keeping this courtesy alive, in Sri Lanka today, I only encounter bowing when working with rural youth. Urban children are moving towards western ways. A handshake is now the norm for them. At least the handshake gives an opportunity to touch, to keep our bonds alive. I wonder whether a time will come when even that touch will be lost in the name of individuality and liberty.

Transpose this to the west - What would a western youth think of young people in the east prostrating themselves in front of their elders ?

So, I asked a few when I was in Canada a few weeks ago. They could not even perceive why anyone would fall on the floor and worship another. I heard words like “That’s crazy” or “They should get a life”.

Then I came across a Sri Lankan family with their children born in Canada who actually bow to their parents before they go to school. They would not dare do this in public nor would they talk about it to their friends in school. “It was a private cultural thing” as they said. Yet, they kept this tradition alive. In speaking to them, they seemed to be well balanced children playing an active role in their school community, playing sports and accomplished, academically.

I wondered about why the west has totally rejected this form of gratitude. The west yet practiced bowing to royalty out of respect, so it is not totally out of western ritual. Maybe this is a reaction by western society to abrogate their past history of slavery and subjugation of humans. I also wondered about the fact that bowing in the east is done only to elders and to people with more power. So, there are issues on both sides.

Yet, it was these ancient cultural traditions highlighting the values of generosity and gratitude promoted by the elders that kept eastern societies alive over the centuries. In them the well-being of the community and the environment were valued more than individual freedom. The philosophy was the notion of interconnectedness and interdependence – the human and nature hand in glove. Life is based on “karma” – cause and effect. The focus on the individual is to develop the mind, to be mindful and aware of their own action as these actions have consequences, both good and bad.

Mobility and the media are transforming all this. The old customs maybe yet there, but people are beginning to lose the meaning of it as pressures of a global economy challenges them to focus on other priorities such as money.

So, I wonder how many of these young people I work with will get confused and lose their values in the process as they grow into the real world. I wonder whether they will lose this way of displaying their respect and gratitude in a competitive adult world.

Yet the west is realizing its folly too. People have made their wealth and acknowledging that happiness may not necessarily accompany it. There is a new search for meaning in the west now.

In my travels through the east, I have come across many genuinely happy and contented people who are poor. In the same way, I have met many miserable rich people both in the east and the west.

Yet, our worlds are poles apart now in many ways, but coming together with a dominant western paradigm. The old tradition and custom may remain in the east but as a result of the new focus on money, respect for individuality, freedom and justice is waning. Ironically, the west seems to have these sorted.

So, I believe the east and the west have a lot to learn from each other. It is about finding a balance between our material and spiritual worlds.

The east can teach the west about, mindfulness as individuals in our words and deeds; generosity in sharing what we have freely; graciousness in our interactions with each other and with nature; contentment with what we have. The west can teach the east about governance based on respect for individuality, freedom and justice.

Now that the technology of communication is in place, these two worlds can be brought together in harmony – integrate the yin and the yang, the occident and the orient.

So, now I see bowing to another in a different light. To bow to someone in gratitude and respect, in request of blessing, needs one to love and respect ‘self’ first. If we can learn to bow to our self, to each other as the human family and to nature; if we can learn to bow with love and trust, and to receive blessings, we would have done much to keep alive our hope for humanity alive.

Lalith Gunaratne is a renewable-energy consultant in Sri Lanka and a readers blogger on odemagazine.com.

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