More talk, less sex

Teenage pregnancy is a problem in South Africa. Young single mothers are ubiquitous in my village and the surrounding communities. Sometimes when I visit the post office I find a colorful queue of mothers that stretches far outside. They often have babies wrapped on their backs and some are pregnant. It’s grant day, and they are waiting to collect the monthly allowance provided by the government. Each month on the post office wall a new hand-written sign appears with three dates designated for child grant distribution. A range of years is listed after each date; mothers collect the grant based on their own birth year. Initially it troubled me to see that girls born more than ten years after me were collecting grants for their children. How could a 16-year-old possibly be a mother? I’m 27 years old and don’t feel prepared for that responsibility!

Despite my personal lack of present maternal instincts, I recognize that many women do feel those instincts at a far younger age. But an instinct alone cannot—and should not—explain the alarmingly high rate of pregnancy.

My South African friends and colleagues have theories on the causes and consequences of this trend. More than any other argument, I hear this one: “These girls are getting pregnant so that they can collect grant money. And they don’t even spend the grant money on the child; they spend it on themselves.” At R210 ($30) per month, the grant is hardly a hefty sum. Yet even if the grant is not an incentive, it seems to be viewed as a comforting benefit. As an assistant at three primary schools, I come across many children whose mothers are in their early twenties. Some kids come to school barefoot or with uniforms that are too big, too small, or falling apart. If these children are receiving grant money, why don’t they have a pair of shoes or a decent shirt?

One friend told me that young girls are becoming pregnant because they crave the security they feel they will get from a boyfriend. A guy gives a girl attention and money then says that it’s only right for her to sleep with him. There is still a sense of male dominance in South Africa, and the men call the shots—especially when it comes to relationships. As an example of this power imbalance, it is not uncommon for a man to have multiple girlfriends at the same time.

I agree with my friend on this point—I think that many girls are falling pregnant simply due to pressure from the opposite sex. This “macho” attitude is also what dictates the conditions of a sexual relationship and often means not using a condom.

This same friend’s boyfriend explained that men want their girlfriends to give birth before they marry in order to ensure that their future wives will be fertile. While many rural South Africans have adopted westernized lifestyles and attitudes, this emphasis on progeny is a strong remnant of tradition that conflicts with other trends that the country is striving to imitate. While this might not pertain to the high-school age population, it is worth noting, as it does offer an explanation for the number of young single (though no longer teenaged) women having babies.

If the most common reason that teenagers are falling pregnant is that they feel pressure to do as their boyfriends say, it’s necessary to examine why this is. I have been astounded by the apparent level of self-confidence among young women in South Africa. Teenagers are vocal, no-nonsense, and proud—bold traits that I did not possess at their age. But despite this façade, there is a lack of visible emotional support from their parents and even their peers, and I believe that this plays a significant role in the high rate of teenage pregnancy.

Traditionally, it is taboo for a young South African’s parents to even glimpse a boyfriend or girlfriend. The first time they should meet is when the man and his family officially present lobola to the woman’s family. Lobola takes the form of gifts, cattle, and money that signify his commitment to the daughter, and when accepted, signify the couple’s engagement. This tradition—of expressly not letting your parents meet your partner is in direct contrast to the typical American routine of introducing him or her to your parents.

The reason parents do not want to see their child’s boyfriend or girlfriend is because if they don’t know anything about the relationship, then they can pretend that it’s not really happening.

Because there is such a disconnect between parents and children when it comes to this topic, a lot of potentially important information does not get communicated. This could include basic questions posed by a parent that would determine the nature of the child’s relationship—something as simple as, “Is he treating you well?” never gets asked because it’s forbidden territory. As a result, a girl might accept abuse as part of her lot as a woman.

While I always seek to appreciate traditions, it is difficult for me to appreciate this one of detachment and its effect in contemporary society. I can’t help but feel that if parents were less distant, their children would gain life-changing advice from a valuable source. If a mother speaks to her daughter about the risks of a sexual relationship, if she emphasizes to her that she is valuable, beautiful, and filled with potential just as she is, then perhaps she wouldn’t cave to the pressure of a boyfriend who thinks she owes him something.

Concerned parents and colleagues here have asked me for a solution to the problem of teenage pregnancy. For a long time, I didn’t really know how to answer. I didn’t know how to identify the variables at play until I’d spent a good amount of time simply living here and learning, slowly, about the society. The lack of parental guidance and positive reinforcement may derive from traditional domestic roles, in which case it will not be an easy thing to change. And South Africans must believe in, and practice, equal rights for females and males before this can happen.

However, it is my hope for South Africa that the younger generation will be more honest with their children when it comes to relationships and sex; the current reality is only evidence that they can’t afford not to be.