Learning the art of forgiveness

Recently I came across a very interesting article. It was about forgiveness. I always wrestle with that virtue, sometimes more poignantly than others. I often find it very challenging to forgive, especially if I feel I have been deeply betrayed or wounded. But for me it can be equally as difficult, or more so, to humble myself enough to ask for forgiveness when I have hurt another, intentionally or unintentionally.

The great Cosmos seems to know what we need just when we most require it. And as I was struggling with a misunderstanding between a friend and me, I came across this article and also a very powerful, thought provoking book on forgiveness. It is called The Sunflower and was written by Simon Wiesenthal. That book is a harrowing account of Wiesenthal's experiences in Nazi concentration camps and the very unusual experience of a dying Nazi soldier's begging him for forgiveness for the atrocities he, the soldier, had performed. That experience and Wiesenthal's reaction of walking away set him wondering for the rest of his life whether he had done the right thing or not. He was so uncomfortable with the deep moral issue involved that he wrote the book "The Sunflower" about it. And at the end of the book he asked the readers what they would have done in his place. If you have great courage, I suggest you get a hold of the book and delve into the secret chambers of your own heart as you walk through its deeply troubling pages.

The article I mentioned is also challenging, if properly applied. And I would like to offer its thoughts on this very human challenge: forgiveness.

The article was written by Everett Irion and was found in the Edgar Cayce magazine called Venture Inward, November-December 2007. I will give a synopsis of what was said.

The article begins talking about a dying man who is reliving some traumatic experiences he had with the wife he divorced.

"He seemed to want to make amends, so I asked if he would consider going to his wife and saying simply, ‘Thank you.' He looked at me sadly, and slowly shook his head and said, 'I can't do that--she is dead.'"

Irion went on and asked if the man believed in life after death, which he did. So, Irion continued. "... I suggested he try saying a nice little prayer to his ex-wife, and then a similar prayer to himself, leaving God out of the prayer because their problem had been at a personal level between them and needed to be handled on the same level --- they were jointly responsible for the intimate problems that had divided them."

Imagine the wife's name was Mary and the husband's was John. Here is how the prayer would go: "Mary, I am praying to you. Thank you, Mary, for doing to me all that you have done. Forgive me, Mary, for doing all I have done to you."

Irion explains his thinking this way: "This idea of thanking her for everything came to me out of the simple concept that we should be thankful for everything that happens to us." And that includes everything, whether it is painful or pleasurable.

"Next, I told the man who wanted to make amends, to say the prayer to himself -- to his inner self, his unconscious -- as follows:

"John, I am praying to you. Thank you, John, for doing to me all that you have done. Forgive me, John, for doing all I have done to you."

Irion told the man to use this two-pronged prayer once a day for a week. Later Irion, a devout Christian, noticed that forty was a very significant number in the Bible. So he suggested the prayer be said for forty days in succession, rather than for only a week. However, in times of crisis, it could be repeated over a shorter period; for example 40 hours, instead of 40 days, or seven hours or seven minutes, instead of seven days.

There are several do's and don'ts connected to this process. First, after saying the prayers each day, put them out of your mind. Let the prayers work undisturbed by your own thoughts. And of course, don't expect any results. Trust and leave the rest to the workings of the subconscious and the Cosmos.

Second, don't tell the person you are praying to. If you did that, it would disrupt the very deep levels of the psyche, where the energy and intent of the prayer are working.

Finally, if you miss a day, then start all over again from day one. That in itself is a great lesson in patience and humility.

Irion continues, "Some people have to dare themselves to try using this prayer because it says 'thank you' to someone they've found difficult, or even thought of as an enemy, and it asks forgiveness when the person doing the praying may feel he or she is the one who has been wronged. But many people have reported remarkable results when they dared to try."

Here is an example. "One woman who used the prayer tells this dramatic story. She had at one point in her life been romantically involved with a man who was separated from his wife, but not divorced. When the man and his wife were subsequently reunited, she broke up with him in anger. She later married someone else but was unable to get rid of the leftover anger from that earlier relationship. So she tried the 40-day prayer.

"On the 17th day she had a dream that he called her and wanted to meet with her, and that she drove to a rendezvous in her car and returned in her car.

"On the 20th day, he did actually call her and ask to meet her in a restaurant. After consulting her husband, she met the man and experienced a tremendous catharsis and sense of closing out of the relationship properly. Afterwards she cried, but realized they were tears of cleansing, not sadness.

"She felt as though such a healing had occurred that it wouldn't be necessary to continue the prayer for another 20 days, but she did it anyway. In the end she felt that a permanent healing had taken place."

But maybe the greatest change occurs within one's own heart. And in that vane, the article ends with these words: "One person said this prayer offers a ‘good lesson.' It is seldom easy. The lesson is humility.

"I dare you to try it."