Dismantling the I

Soon the job that I have held for 14 years at a university in Japan will come to an end. But I plan to stay here for at least another year. It will be wonderful being a student once again (formally): Art (backtracking to university days), Japanese language (an ever evasive mystery), and T'ai Chi (so good for flexibility, physical, mental and spiritual, at this stage in my life).

I am finally at a place where I feel ready to dismantle the 'I' that took a lifetime to create. I find myself clearing out much of what I have accumulated over the years, but which is no longer needed. This includes not only books and artifacts, but also ideas and attitudes.

In other words, at long last I am starting to be able to live the reality that life is a river. I feel ready to experiment more fully in that awareness without having to hold on, hoard, or try to make stone islands of absolutes in the ongoing waters of life. Those behaviors and attitudes, which built up my 'I' so splendidly, gave me the security and identity that I needed at the time, but are no longer appropriate.

Now I believe the present, the future, even the past are an ongoing process of building, dismantling, dissolving, and waiting for what is to emerge next. So, I live each day with great reverence for what the unfolding of mystery will reveal.